on our infinite search for a new home
i guess we all welcome the splinters in our fingers
no matter how numb we are when he stubble up our steps
holding whatever bottle is in our grasp
there's enough for all of us
and im in pain
pain
oh my fingernails scream when i dig for the truth
bearing past memories
or an old friend i buried for safe keeping
you know
didnt want to hurt him
theres just enough to hold us up for the night
just enough for us to get down

you know, i'll stop when you stop
just say when
but muted youve got nothing else to say but:
"hit me"
just save me from the flames. please.

in volumes
i guess we all become our own heroes
defending ourselves from the truth
in line for just one taste
but you know you'll be back for more.

yeah, ill return but i wont be the same
because god only knows when i'll be back
in this awkward state
just dont think about me when im gone
because i cant return the favor.

im sorry in advance.
im sorry.
i am.

after all these years of walking with my head hung low
i've yet to notice that the words i've been looking for
were on the ground all along.

"all we think we are today is all we say we'll be tomorrow"

it was the light that bothered my eyes
when i awoke and decided to burn this house of cards
to
the
ground
but I took one last look at the future ruble
and I asked myself questions
I packed my bag
though i had trouble doing that
what a way to start the day
ablaze
I'll never turn back
I'm not feeling the heat
I won't ever bear this

baron

land

ever

again.

this is the way i deal my cards
place them face down
and walk away.

I am tired.

But how can i rest on a stomach full of worries? I mean, its the doubt thats gonna get me. I cant see anything, even standing on the tips of my toes. Everything is a blur. Everything is nothing is an understood way. What could make me feel any better with my feathers all furrowed? The slopes always too steep for casual talk, so I have to scream to get my point out to someone. But, honestly, I need to stop doing that...you know...drifting. I'm always stuck wondering why nothing works the way its supposed to. Myself included. I guess i've gotten used to the let down. Its like clockwork, and time ruins everything. im not happy about that, im not happy about anything right now.

*fuck this flock.
for now,
this was just a quick fix.

"believe me..."
it said,
"you could be in a worse off place."

off-white,
your teeth will never be as blank as the canvas that you started off on
but you still try to peel back the layers upon layers
spent on coffee and cigarettes
and it shows
kid, you'll never be a piece of work
youre a mess
and it shows.

proof of purchase please:

well, madam, you look especially sexy in your prosthetic
so im sure you could pull some tendons to get me into this butchery
tonight
were gonna dance
throw our mouths out windows
watch em kiss the pavement

and we sway, in the heat, through the garbage
we swim, in the sludge, though the reservoir
so i drown, down my sorrows, with a bottle armor.

fields are are are are burning
and and the scary thing is i dont hear anything
the crows are taking in the fumes
of wasted fertility and their past lives
now they kick over the oil drums
and the fields are gaping
and theres a crowd circling the scene
theres men in suits trying to brake through
to catch up with the time that they wasted
on burrowing into the ground
now they just squeeeeel, burn, repeat.

the smiles will crack from the mezzanine
as the orchestra fills with kerosene
oh what a sight to see
those endless sea of teeth
i think i'll never grin another grin.

you ever gonna get off that rock? no stones
did i even have to ask that question? no questionable matters
strike that. no matches
grow. no growth
she said. no spoken words
have fun on being alone. no individualism
and i will i said in huff. no temper driven words
ill go on my own. no self indulgence
spend my time elsewhere. no optimistic eyes
give my words to a worthy ear. no optimistic ears
but this time with more character. no jazz.

yeah thats right. no youre wrong

and maybe i'll never see the big picture. no frames
forced to look through a port hold. no ship
or a periscope. no sub

oh what a mess
i have made

I'll start off with a question:
"how am i not me?"

i am not solid
i am made of many layers upon layers
broken down into cells.
the easiest way to understand something is to brake it down
and rebuild it,
but after youve dissmantled it,
you find beauty in being incomplete
this is why nothing gets done around here.

all i asked for was the time and i got a headache
your numbers bother me
and of course i choose a lifestyle smothered in numbers
what a series of bad choices
that have yet to happen.

i will never get to answer my question because i do not know myself.
that is the hard part about that question. you cant know whats you arent if you dont know that you exist at all.